With Christmas right around the corner our lives tend to get a little more hectic…with Christmas shopping, gifts to be made, cupcakes for school, gifts for teachers, Holiday concerts and programs…the list just goes on! I’m here to help, well at least give you a bit of humor relief at the end or beginning or each day! A little letter to Santa…
I’ve been a good mom all year. I’ve fed, cleaned, and cuddled my two children on demand, visited the doctor’s office more than my doctor, sold 62 cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground, and figured out how to attach nine patches onto my daughter’s Girl Scout sash with staples and a glue gun.
I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son’s red crayon on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I’ll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.
Here are my Christmas wishes:
- I’d like a pair of legs that don’t ache after a day of chasing kids (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don’t flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to carry a screaming toddler out of the candy aisle in the grocery store. I’d also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.
- If you’re hauling big ticket items this year, I’d like a car with fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn’t broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.
- On the practical side, I could use a talking daughter doll that says, “Yes, Mommy” to boost my parental confidence, along with one potty-trained toddler, two kids who don’t fight, and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.
- I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting, “Don’t eat in the living room” and “Take your hands off your brother,” because my voice seems to be just out of my children’s hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.
- And please don’t forget the Playdoh Travel Pack, the stocking stuffer this year for mothers of preschoolers. It comes in three fluorescent colors and is guaranteed to crumble on any carpet making the In-laws’ house seem just like mine.
- If it’s too late to find any of these products, I’d settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.
- Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family; or if my toddler didn’t look so cute sneaking downstairs to eat contraband ice cream in his pajamas at midnight.
Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the chimney and come in and dry off by the fire so you don’t catch cold.
Help yourself to cookies on the table, but don’t eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.
Yours Always, Mom
So if you’re a mom, well you can relate. If you’re a not…well be nice to YOUR MOM today and everyone other day! Here’s a list of things that I think MOM, would like to have….
Personal Shopper Monthly Club – Your mom will have top-quality supplies, easy-to-follow instructions, prompt delivery service and superior customer service. She’ll even have a Personal Shopper Assistant, Debbie, standing by to answer your questions and help you with your membership. Got a question? Just email Debbie (firstname.lastname@example.org) and she’ll take care of you right away.
Christmas Cards! Cardmakers, you can’t pass up this special offer. It has over 900 pieces! Kit includes:
• 100 patterned Christmas papers
• 4 glimmer sheets
• 4 vellum sheets
• 245 tags and art cut-outs
• 240 alphabet tiles
• 72 card greetings
• 4 glassine mini envelopes
• 130 brads
• 7 ribbons
• 80 rub-ons
• 76 acrylic stamps (a retail value of $53.97)
• one 2″x6″ acrylic block
• 42 card ideas
Black EZ View Table – And for those of you who really want Brownie Points from you mom! Every crafter’s dream desk! This scrapbooking desk is both a workspace and a storage solution that looks like high-end furniture. Craft table features drawers, nooks and spaces for all your ‘stuff.’ Interchangeable modular design allows many different configurations. The top section has 4 drawers and a clear glass-like top so you can see your supplies. One base contains 8 bins on the side and the other base has a drawer and a large storage area. Both doors feature storage pockets, too! Totes and clear zipper pouches included. Desk measures 50″ wide x 25″ deep x 31″ high. Super clear plexiglass work surface so you can see inside instantly!
Happy Holidays! Enjoy 🙂